<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Ignorance is Bliss... Until it Isn’t by mythras_fire</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901450">Ignorance is Bliss... Until it Isn’t</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythras_fire/pseuds/mythras_fire'>mythras_fire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Friday Night Chats Plot-Bunny Factory [39]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Kyle Valenti, Confident Alex Manes, Domestic Boyfriends, Fluff and Crack, Getting Back Together, Inspired by Twitter, M/M, Max Evans is a good cook, Michael and Max are working on their friendship, Michael’s telekinesis is made of win, POV Max Evans, POV Michael Guerin, Post-Canon, References to Toys, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Secret Relationship, Slice of Life, bisexual Max Evans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythras_fire/pseuds/mythras_fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wow, did you guys go to bed extra late last night or what? It took you forever to get up today,” Max said by way of greeting, not looking away from his task next to the sink. Therefore, he missed seeing the gobsmacked looks on his brother and friend’s faces as he continued chattering away. “So, where’d you get this nifty boutique egg separator? I kinda wanna get one now, it’s much easier than trying to pick the yolk up with a spoon, I always end up breaking it.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Max Evans &amp; Michael Guerin, Max Evans/Kyle Valenti, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Friday Night Chats Plot-Bunny Factory [39]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1292960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaadieStuff/gifts">SaadieStuff</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is all SaadieStuff's fault 😘. She shared a Twitter photo (link in End Notes, but no peeking, I want this to be a surprise!) and my brain got excited, ran off, and wrote a crack!ficlet about it 😆. And then several days later, ladynox shared an Etsy photo (link in End Notes, I said no peeking!) and gave me an even better ending image than the one I had originally thought up, so thanks to both of you for the cool ideas!</p><p>Disclaimer: All images, characters, and pop culture references belong to their respective creators.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael and Max were finally making inroads. They really were. </p><p>Michael was excited about this. He really was.</p><p>Becoming better friends with Max as an adult, however, was a lot like being friends with Max when they were kids. This had meant Michael quietly coming and going at all hours of the day or night from the Evans’ place because Max’s bedroom was on the far side of the house. There was a tree right next to Max's window - a convenient stepping stool for a homeless teen alien with burgeoning telekinetic powers.</p><p>Max seemed to have reverted back to that model of fraternal intimacy because he’d started letting himself into the place where Michael was currently staying with Alex. They were hanging out in town while Michael renovated Alex’s cabin to be more accessible and modernized a bit. The fact that this house actually belonged to Alex didn’t seem to have factored into Max’s thinking. Alex actually appeared to find this amusing, much to Michael’s astonishment.</p><p>“Do you guys have a whisk?” Max called from the kitchen on the morning of the third day in a row he’d shown up unannounced at the buttcrack of dawn to make them all breakfast.</p><p>Michael groaned and chose to take that as a rhetorical question, trying to burrow deeper into Alex’s arms under the covers.</p><p>Apparently, their house was at the midway point in Max’s not-so-new-anymore ‘light cardio’ daily run ever since Diego “Tall, Dark, and Handsome” Whatever-his-last-name-is had come waltzing into town as the pied piper, playing his tune all the way back to California, drawing Liz after him. Except that had been six months ago. He’d only been doing this for the last month or so, but still.</p><p>“Nevermind, I found it!”</p><p>“You’re the one who gave him the spare key since yours is up here,” Alex said with a smirk as he tugged on that one perfect curl that hung over Michael’s forehead.</p><p>“Okay, yes, fine, but that was only in case of emergency!” Michael whined.</p><p>“Give him a break, Michael, he’s trying his best,” Alex soothed, and who was Michael to stay frustrated at anyone when Alex used his first name like it was a pet name? A brain-tingling shiver ran through him at the sound of his name on Alex’s lips, making him smile into his neck.</p><p>“Since when did you two become best bros, huh?”</p><p>Alex managed to shrug underneath the weight of Michael’s octopus-spread of limbs. “Been there, done that,” was his laconic reply.</p><p>Michael grunted out a confused ‘huh?’ sound, so Alex expounded a bit more. “Being near you but unable to get within arm’s reach,” he ghosted a finger down the inside of Michael’s right arm and around his tattoo, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. “It wasn’t a pleasant experience and I don’t want to be on the outside looking in ever again. I have a feeling Max is going through something similar.”</p><p>There was a sudden clanging of what sounded like pots and pans in the kitchen, which did NOT startle Michael in any way shape or form, immediately followed by a loud, “I’m okay! Just uh, <i>CLANG</i> - woops - butterfingers,” his voice fading away as he got distracted by something.</p><p>“Is he though?” Michael snarked as he raised his head up off of Alex's chest to see him openly giggling. “Is he really? Because I think he’s taken it upon himself to practically move in here with us and only occasionally go home to change for work at the Pony.”</p><p>“Awww, poor baby, is he intruding upon your private time?” Alex teased, petting Michael’s head in a purposefully patronizing manner.</p><p>“Yes! He’s horning in on my Private time!” Michael did <i>not</i> sound like a petulant child. He really didn’t. “Why aren’t you more upset about this, he’s invading your privacy, too, you know.”</p><p>The look on Alex’s face went from highly amused to highly devious in zero-point-two seconds. Michael’s stomach dropped down into his toes in half that time.</p><p>“Is he though?” Alex repeated, but in that tone of voice he used when he wanted Michael to be a good boy. Soft, low, and so utterly in control that Michael’s pupils dilated from those three little words alone. Alex’s smirk only widened, one of his eyebrows rising higher in thought. “I’m done hiding. This is my bedroom, in my house. If he wants an eyeful, he can be my guest.”</p><p>Michael’s brain drop-kicked his lungs into releasing the breath that had gotten stuck in reaction to Alex’s growing confidence in himself, in their relationship. </p><p>He’d been right to wait for it to be their time, and as much as he’d thought he should dislike Forrest in the beginning, he had nothing but respect now for the man and the time Alex had spent with him. It was just one more stop on the road to them finding each other at the right time, in the right place, in the right frame of mind. And just look at him now.</p><p>Dayum he was sexy.</p><p>Alex slowly dragged a fingernail through the omnipresent stubble on Michael’s jaw, both of them listening to the scratchy sound it made, and across the outline of his lower lip. Michael’s mouth fell open instinctively, which only served to morph the smirk on Alex’s face into a shark’s grin.</p><p>“What say we give him a little incentive to make breakfast for Isobel tomorrow instead, hmm?” Alex whispered as he walked his fingers down Michael’s spine, each finger leaving little ripples of sensation behind.</p><p>Michael hummed in agreement because he wasn’t sure if he could string two words together right now anyway, eyes fluttering closed.</p><p>“You’ve been so good for me this week, sweetheart, I might even let you out of—” he cut himself off as his hand reached in between them, felt around. Michael hissed at the ephemeral caress of Alex’s touch.</p><p>“Guerin, where’s your—”</p><p>The creaking of the dishwasher door as it was opened all the way had never sounded so ominous when it reached their ears.</p><p>“Oh, shit,” Alex’s eyebrows shot for the ceiling.</p><p>“You said I should wash it last night, remember?”</p><p>“Oooh, this is new. Hey, guys, what is this? Did you go antiquing with Isobel again?”</p><p>Alex's eyes grew comically wide and he started giggling so hard his ribs clacked together with Michael’s. </p><p>Michael knew he had a choice here: he could choose to find this embarrassing, or he could choose to find it hilarious. Watching the little tears of joy form at the corner of Alex’s big brown eyes as he held a hand over his mouth made that decision easy. He leaned down and placed a fish kiss to his favorite human’s sternum before reluctantly sliding off the bed to find some boxers.</p><p>“Hey, those are mine,” Alex managed to get out in between giggle fits.</p><p>“Snooze you lose, bub,” Michael quipped as he tossed his much louder, flamingo-covered boxers at Alex’s head from where they’d been apparently flung across the room last night in his haste to be naked and in bed with his man.</p><p>“Ugh, no thanks, I’ll just go commando.”</p><p>Michael snorted at that. “Now, this I’ve got to see,” he folded his arms and leaned against the dresser, smirk firmly in place.</p><p>“What, you don’t think I’ll do it?” Alex parried as he gathered his crutches and levered himself up off the bed in his birthday suit.</p><p>Uh-oh. He’d put his stubborn hat on, Michael could hear it in his voice, see it in the set of his chin. The smirk slipped a little bit.</p><p>Michael TK’d his coziest flannel over to float in front of Alex before he could swing out of the room. “At least put this on, Private, it’s drafty in the kitchen.” He winced a little at the mother-hen move but otherwise held firm. He had a stubborn hat, too, after all. A black Stetson to be exact.</p><p>Alex just smiled fondly at him and held out one arm, waiting.</p><p>Michael got with the program and used his telekinesis to slide the soft sleeves up one arm and across his back and down the other, clasping only the button over his pecs to at least give him a chance at warming up. Michael pushed off the dresser, ready to follow Alex out the door. He didn’t realize he’d sighed in relief until he heard the chuckle in response and looked up, an indecipherable glint in Alex’s eyes.</p><p>“You really would have let me walk in there, balls out, in front of your brother who’s gone suspiciously quiet in the last few minutes?”</p><p>“We both know I don’t <i>let</i> you do anything, Alex,” Michael said easily, then added on, “but yeah, I mean, it’s your body,” with a shy smile.</p><p>The look on his boyfriend’s face softened into something so endearing that Michael’s heart melted just that little bit more. He watched as Alex turned around and snatched up Michael’s boxers from the bed, holding them out in front of him and dropping them without a word. </p><p>Michael picked them up with his brain and opened the waistband for Alex to step into them, then shimmied them up his legs as he came up behind him. Alex turned to kiss his cheek as they left the bedroom.</p><p>“See, they’re not so bad, right?” Michael was in the middle of saying as he followed Alex into the kitchen.</p><p>“Well, they are rather soft, which is—” Alex trailed off as he stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. Michael almost ran into his back. He peered around Alex’s shoulder and froze.</p><p>“Wow, did you guys go to bed extra late last night or what? It took you forever to get up today,” Max said by way of greeting, not looking away from his task next to the sink. Therefore, he missed seeing the gobsmacked looks on his brother and friend’s faces as he continued chattering away. “So, where’d you get this nifty boutique egg separator? I kinda wanna get one now, it’s much easier than trying to pick the yolk up with a spoon, I always end up breaking it. But I don’t understand what this little lock on the front is for. Is that, like, decorative or something?”</p><p>Max finally turned his head when no answer was forthcoming and Alex had to clear his throat and surreptitiously nudge Michael in the ribs to get them both moving again.</p><p>“Uh, that’s ah, quite the spread you got goin’ there, Max, gonna make the world’s biggest omelette today?” Max smiled. “That’s great, I’m starving.” He leaned his crutches in their spot against the wall as he sat down and pointedly did not look at Michael, who was pretty sure it was so that neither of them would burst out laughing.</p><p>Michael surveyed the damage as he tried to school his face. Max always managed to make it look like a tornado had spun through their kitchen, but the food wasn’t half bad and Max always cleaned up after himself. Michael furrowed his brow as he focused on the pencil-on-a-string tied to the fridge magnet notepad and it scribbled <i>dozen eggs</i> on the grocery list as he sat down next to Alex at the table.</p><p>He latched onto one of Alex’s hands under the table, though, because all of this concentrating on not cracking up was making him fidgety.</p><p>“Yes, sir, one ginormous Southwest omelette coming right up. I was having too much fun using your egg separator so I just kept cracking eggs. I’ll break it into thirds once it’s done and then plate it. You want cheese on yours, Alex?”</p><p>Michael had to squeeze Alex’s hand to get his attention, which had wandered back to the dishwasher.</p><p>“Oh, um, yeah, yes please.”</p><p>“K. Michael?”</p><p>“Yeah... thanks.” Michael wondered what had distracted Alex so he looked over at the still-open appliance and narrowly avoided banging his head on the table. He didn’t even try floating it out of the room when Max wasn’t looking because he didn’t have that kind of luck.</p><p>Max was now puttering around the kitchen putting ingredients away and tossing all of the egg shells into the compost pail as the gigantic omelette started bubbling and crackling in the skillet.</p><p>Michael summoned his phone from the bedroom and was in the middle of placing an order for that very same "<a href="https://twitter.com/Lapsed_hipster/status/1332156259093655555?s=19">egg separator</a>" for Max when it was Alex’s turn to squeeze his hand for his attention. Out of the corner of his eye, Michael could see him, tight-lipped, trying not to laugh and the effort was making his whole body shake minutely.</p><p>Michael looked up and wished he’d just stayed in bed with Alex this morning. Lured Max out the front door and then used the lock-pick in his brain to change the tumblers in the lock before he could get back in. Maybe it wasn’t too late to still do that.</p><p>“Okay, so I get what the egg separator is for, but why do you guys have jewelry in the dishwasher?” Max repeated his question, looking at Michael with big earnest eyes and just—</p><p>Michael calmly looked back down at his phone and paid for express shipping. The extra cost would be worth the look on Max’s face as he opened the box tomorrow when he came over for more <i>huevos rancheros</i>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sometimes a Spade is not Actually a Spade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>😂 This sequel is all bgn's fault 😘 Merry Christmakwanzaakuh, dude! </p><p>Also, let it be known that in this verse, Max just reallllllly likes eggs, okay? Okay.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Did you skip your early morning run today just so you could make us breakfast, or did the guys finally change the locks at Alex’s place?”</p><p>“Ha ha very funny,” Max quipped as he pursed his lips for a kiss on Kyle’s way by to grab the orange juice from the fridge. “For your information, I’ve already gone on my run,” Max pointed to his outfit with a small flourish, “but I decided I’d rather cook for you today so I took a shorter route.”</p><p>“Awww, aren’t you sweet,” Kyle pulled the carton away from his lips to smile fondly at Max, who promptly blushed, before taking another swig. “Do they still think you’re running all the way out there from your hacienda and back?”</p><p>Max shook his head with a chuckle as he turned back to the stove where he was gathering his supplies for breakfast. He’d been trying to break Kyle of that habit for the whole two months they’d been seeing each other, privately, to no avail. Oh well, he was actually starting to find it endearing, but he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.</p><p>“Hah, I dunno, they’re usually so wrapped up in each other they barely notice I’m there— you know, I’m kind of surprised I haven’t walked in on them yet— until the food arrives on the table, of course. Then Michael materializes from out of nowhere, usually in Alex’s boxers, and Alex isn’t far behind him.”</p><p>“Whoa whoa whoa, how do you know they’re—”</p><p>“Have you <i>met</i> Michael?”</p><p>Kyle made a face.</p><p>“Alex doesn’t strike me as a flamingo-boxer kind of guy, yet he keeps moseying into the kitchen in various loud patterns because Michael’s already high-tailed it in there wearing the first thing he could find, on the floor no doubt.”</p><p>“Well, your omelettes do bring all the boys to the yard, if you want an unbiased, professional opinion,” Kyle fluttered his eyelashes as he stole another kiss on his way back into the bedroom to finish getting dressed for work.</p><p>“Unbiased my ass,” Max chuckled to himself as he pulled the carton of eggs from inside the door of Kyle’s fridge. “You got any of that hot sauce left?” He called out as he got to work in front of the skillet warming on the stove.</p><p>The hands that suddenly snaked their way around his waist made him yelp in surprise. “Yeah, right here, baby,” Kyle whispered saucily (hah) into Max’s ear, front plastered to his back, standing on his tiptoes to rest his chin on Max’s shoulder as he watched his secret boyfriend expertly crack and separate eggs through a… through umm… “dude, what kind of fancy-ass contraption is that?”</p><p>Max grinned as he cracked the next egg to show Kyle the full process, “It’s my new boutique egg separator! Michael and Alex got me my own, just like the one they have, after they saw how much I liked using it at their place earlier this week.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Well, that was nice of them.” </p><p>Max felt Kyle’s hug squeeze him a little more in approbation, which encouraged him to continue. “It was! Except...” Max ruminated as he paused to wash his hands after separating the last egg for his signature giant omelette, “Except, Izzy was there, too, which of course wasn’t weird in and of itself, but she was like… watching them, especially Michael, like a hawk when they gave me the box.”</p><p>“Nothing new there,” Kyle snarked into his shoulder, leaving a kiss tingling the skin of his neck before pulling away to sit at the table to give Max room to actually cook. “Like cuz she thought they were gonna do something stupid? Did Alex have his 'who, me?' innocent face on?”</p><p>Max laughed at that as he washed the egg separator with soap and hot water before handing it over for Kyle to admire it. “Oh, is that what that look is? I’ll have to remember that for future shenanigans he pulls with his lesser half.”</p><p>Kyle giggled at that burn while turning the sturdy metal appliance over in his hands, fingers flicking the random decorative lock on the front up and down. He looked up to meet Max’s eyes when he spun around to lean against the counter after settling a lid over the skillet. “What’s Michael’s tell?”</p><p>“He gets twitchy.”</p><p>Kyle snorted at that, but whatever he might have said in response got thrown out in favor of him flipping the lock around more purposefully, “Any idea what this lock’s for?”</p><p>“I thought it was decorative, and I think I may have asked them about it, but that’s when everyone started acting weird so I figured I probably didn’t wanna know anyway.”</p><p>Kyle pointed a finger gun at him, “Smart thinking.”</p><p>Max wiped his hands on the towel hanging over the handle of the oven before walking over to hover above where Kyle was checking the weather on his phone as he liked to go for his own run in the afternoon if he was only working one shift that day. “Maybe we should look it up.”</p><p>“Wait, I thought you just said you didn’t want to know?”</p><p>“No, I just didn’t want to know why they were being weird. I totally wanna know why this thing has a lock that doesn’t seem to be locking anything,” Max explained, glancing at the appliance now sitting innocently on the table. ”There weren’t any instructions in the box they gave me, just a bunch of multi-colored tissue paper, must’ve been too plain if Iz had anything to do with presentation.”</p><p>“Ah, okay, let’s see here,” Kyle said as he pulled down on his phone screen to bring up the Search bar. “Boo- uh, b-u, um,” his thumbs skittered over the keyboard with an air of uncertainty, “crap, how do you spell ‘boutique’?”</p><p>“b-o-u-t-i-q-u-e,” Max spelled out with a soft smile.</p><p>Kyle blushed as he said, “Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>“Boutique...egg...sep-a-ra-tor…” Kyle tapped out before hitting Return. He didn’t have to scroll very far before Max saw him tap a link. “Oh hey, someone tweeted the same question you had!”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Cool, what’s it say?”</p><p>“Uh,” Kyle scrolled down through the comments looking for something that wasn’t just a reply to the picture posted, which looked remarkably similar to the one Max had been given. He huffed a laugh, “Well, there’s the obligatory egg puns of course.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“But uh, one person said the lock is to help balance it on the edge of a bowl or cup, and another one said it’s to keep your yolk from—oh wait, nevermind, from eggscaping,” he shook his head, grinning up at Max whom he knew appreciated a good pun.</p><p>Max grinned back as he returned to the stove to check on the omelette: just about done. “Aha! Well, I guess they don’t know either. It’ll remain a mys—”</p><p>“Uhhh, Max?”</p><p>“Yeah, babe?” They’d recently begun testing the waters with pet names, a glacial step forward in their relationship but it made Max feel warm and fuzzy inside so he liked it. From the way Kyle ducked his head most of the time to hide his blush, he liked it, too.</p><p>“Are… are Michael and Alex yanking your chain?” Kyle’s voice sounded a little funny all of a sudden. </p><p>Max pulled the finished omelette from the burner to cool, flipped the gas knob off and leaned over to grab the milk from the door of the fridge. “Yanking my chain?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“About what?” Max asked as he poured them both a glass of milk to go with the delicious-smelling omelette-for-two he plated up and set down on the table. </p><p>Kyle scrambled to move the medical journals he’d been studying last night out of the way. He was no longer smiling, in fact, he was kind of looking at his phone like it might rise up and bite him on the nose if he made any sudden moves. </p><p>“About that uh, not being an actual um, ‘egg separator’,” Kyle replied, complete with air quotes, side-eyeing said appliance still sitting there on the table in between the ketchup bottle and Kyle’s class of milk.</p><p>Max looked up from cutting his omelette into bite-sized pieces, the better to dip into the puddle of ketchup he’d just squirted onto his plate. “Wait, what? What is it then?”</p><p>Kyle’s gaze dropped back to his phone and Max noticed a flush coloring those ridiculous cheekbones of his as he mumbled his reply, almost like he didn’t actually want to tell Max what it was supposed to be.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what was that?”</p><p>Kyle cleared his throat. “A cock cage,” he stated a little bit louder, opting to shove a big chunk of omelette into his mouth in lieu of elaborating or making eye contact.</p><p>“A what?” Max couldn’t help the immediate urge to look first at the device on the table, then down at his lap hidden below his napkin, then over at Kyle, who was shoveling more food into his mouth as he kept scrolling with a bit of a manic gleam in his eye.</p><p>“That’s what people are saying, man.”</p><p>“Why would they keep a— a— y’know, in the kitchen? It was in the dishwasher, it looked like something you use to drain stuff…” Max took a gulp of milk, incredulous and more than a bit confused. “Dude, just look it up, then.”</p><p>Kyle scoffed. “One does not simply google ‘cock cage’.”</p><p>Max made bubbles in his milk from the force of his laughter right as he was about to take another gulp. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, coughing a bit to clear his throat of milk that had been inhaled, and tried to address his bemused-looking boyfriend, “did you just paraphrase Boromir?”</p><p>Kyle smirked, setting the phone down to splurt some ketchup onto the eggs he’d hadn’t yet hoovered. “Hey, I pay attention when you’re geeking out! I know <i>Lord of the Flies</i> is your favorite book.”</p><p>Max’s fork loaded with omelette froze in place halfway to his mouth. He just looked at Kyle, dumbfounded. “Oh. My. God.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Max shook his head to clear it before continuing. “Okay then, Dr. McDreamy, how *does* one google,” he waved his fork spastically at the thing on the table, flinging drops of ketchup everywhere.</p><p>“With incognito mode, duh,” Kyle retorted haughtily.</p><p>To which Max snorted first, then deadpanned, “Alex caught you looking at porn and lectured you about how to do it safely until your ears were about to fall off, didn’t he.” </p><p>Kyle’s puffed-up chest instantly deflated and he let out a huge whiny moan in the affirmative.</p><p>They ended up falling down a rabbit hole of male hardware sites long after they’d finished their eggs. Both of them were in full-on curiosity mode so they were focused more on the oft-cheeky product descriptions and surprised by the elegant, professional design of some of the sites than they were on the fact that neither of them had known most of these things even existed before today.</p><p>Kyle was in the middle of teasing Max that he was going to totally buy him a King Ring for Christmas so he could actually say that he was wearing the One Ring when Kyle’s cell phone alarm suddenly went off. Both of them jumped halfway out of their seats, startled and blushing like they’d just been caught watching porn, which, well, close enough.</p><p>Ever since they’d started seeing each other, Kyle’d had to make a “stop dicking around with Max and get to work” alarm, otherwise he’d be perennially late to the hospital the more they stayed over at each other’s houses.</p><p>“I guess I’ll just um,” Kyle blustered as he clumsily swiped closed all of the private windows they’d just opened as fast as he could while making a mental note to revisit a few of them later. For um, research purposes. Yeah.</p><p>The now-familiar POP sound of a lightbulb shattering followed by the room dimming significantly followed suit and both of them laughed awkwardly.</p><p>Max, therefore, now had a supply of “stop dicking around with Kyle and do some writing” light bulb replacements in his Jeep for all the times he accidentally popped one with his powers.</p><p>“Yeah, me, too,” Max busied himself clearing away the dishes, then went to grab the hand brush and scooper thing. He replaced the light bulb while Kyle grabbed his messenger bag, keys, and phone and they wished each other a good day with a kiss and a smile before opening the front door.</p><p>Later that day, just as Max was getting ready to leave for his evening shift at the Pony (thankful that Kyle had yet to pick up on the parallel between Max working at The Wild Pony and Frodo Baggins visiting The Prancing Pony), Kyle texted him a link to a tumblr post followed by a bunch of evil smirking smiley faces and a very ominous-looking ellipsis.</p><p>Max only needed to tap the link to understand what shenanigans his boyfriend had in mind for the next time Max went on his morning run to the Manes-Guerin household. He sent back a gif of Wayne and Garth prostrating themselves, repeating their now-famous mantra, “We’re not worthy!” and went to work with a smile on his face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Link to Twitter photo (for the “egg separator” link mentioned above): <a href="https://twitter.com/Lapsed_hipster/status/1332156259093655555?s=19">https://twitter.com/Lapsed_hipster/status/1332156259093655555?s=19</a></p><p>(NSFW) Link to Etsy photo (for the “jewelry” mentioned above): <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/699790350/penis-bracelet-with-rubber-and-silver">https://www.etsy.com/listing/699790350/penis-bracelet-with-rubber-and-silver</a></p><p>After a brief moment to 🤔 when this plot bunny poofed its way into existence, I determined that of all the RNM characters, Max would canonically be the least likely person to recognize a cock cage when he saw one out in the wild, and thus a crack!ficlet was born 🤪</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>